Leaving Society, Leaving Regrets

"Society. You're a crazy breed. I hope you're not lonely without me."

                        ⚫️⚫️⚫️

CAUTION: THIS POST CONTAINS THE RANTS OF AN OVERLY EXCITED AND HAPPY REBECCA! IT MAY MAKE YOU ROLL YOUR EYES, LAUGH, AND BE HAPPIER IN GENERAL!

You've been warned.

Today... Today is high on the list of days I've had on this trip. I can't contain how happy I am right now.

This morning we all awoke in Barcelona. It was forecast to rain, but we only saw sunshine. Arturo and Marta were to go flying today. What else? Elisa and I were going to Montserrat. Write that name down. Montserrat. You'll want that name handy for planning your trip to Barcelona. She said, and I quote, "I think you'll like the rocks there."

So off we went! We drove to Monserrat to begin our day. Let me explain a bit about Monserrat. (Notice how I'm saying the name a lot? It's so you'll go visit it!) Monserrat used to be a monastery. It is now a tourist location. That is the downside to Monserrat. It is definitely a tourist location, so there are the gift shops and the whole nine yards in that aspect. Anyway, nestled snuggly into rocks lies a monastery. Now, these rocks. Well... honestly I'll have to let the pictures speak for me. But even those don't do them justice. These rocks cover this mountain. They are unique in every way. Towers soar far from other rock edges. Cliffs catch your eye. The color is a redish-brown and is beautiful. By the time you are at the monastery, you have a view of the entire front range below. Barcelona busily works below, but the silence on the mountain is peaceful. All the suburbs of Barcelona work to grow, but the mountain strongly maintains a presence. The sea is off in the distance, but the rocks on the mountain capture all of your attention. It is unlike anything else.

As we drove up the mountain, I began to notice as I stared at the rocks, there were moving things on these rocks! Could it be? It was! Climbers began to appear like little dots on the rocks. I grinned from ear-to-ear watching. Yes. Elisa parked the car and we began to walk to the monastery. We figured the parking would be crazy if we went all the way to the monastery. We walked a path through the woods towards the monastery. It followed the trail of a rosary. Past paintings of virgins, saints, and the like, we wove through on this trail. Shouts of climbers rose from the rocks above. The sun desperately worked to warm the day despite any clouds in the sky. Elisa and I chatted about everything under said sun. From history to religion to stories of friends, we had a great day of bonding through and through. I am confident that helped make this such an amazing day.

Monserrat. That's where we were today. Just in case you forgot. When we arrived at the monastery, Elisa said what we were both thinking, "This is much bigger than I thought it would be." We were both expecting on building; the monastery. But there were shops, a train station, restaurants, and even a tiny market of venders in tents. Compared to really any village it was tiny. However, if you're just expecting one building, it's more than that. You understand where I'm coming from? Okay, moving on.

As we walked along the boardwalk of the town, I stopped to take pictures. The view was incredible. One way you look, the rocks. Enough said there. (Breathe. Calm yourself down. I know you're excited to see the pictures of them. They're coming!) The other direction you see the valley's and flatlands below. Just incredible.

We walked around for a bit. Finally, we ended up in the information office. After gathering information, Elisa and I decided we both wanted to explore these rocks more. If you haven't gathered, I was pretty excited about the idea of going to them. To get up the hillside, the easiest way is to take the funicular, a steep train up a hillside. A funicular translated in English is zipper. I had the same confusion. Why would a train be named after a zipper? But the moment I saw the tracks up the hillside I understood. It truly looks like a zipper on a jacket. So up we went. The train moves incredibly slowly. The mountain side is incredibly steep and the train goes straight up it. So I guess I ought to be glad it moved so slowly. I, of course, did the "Hmmm, what happens if this cable breaks...?" thought. I can't pretend I was to freaked out. Maybe my imagination isn't that good. However, some folks in the funicular were visibly scared. Nonetheless, we made our way to the top all in one piece. ... Well many pieces because there were many of us. You know what I mean...

Elisa and I began our hike then. The information center said the longest path was about two hours round trip. We both elected the longest one needed to be done because that's what takes you to the peak of some rocks and the best viewpoint. Off we went. Being as it is Saturday and Monserrat is right outside of Barcelona, a big city, there were a fair amount of people. Elisa pointed out to me the summer must be much worse. Another time I'm glad I'm doing this trip in the winter. The trail worked its way over rocky edges, under overgrown trees, over streams, and around cliff edges. Every corner gave a new perspective on the magnificence before my eyes. I loved every moment. And here, are some pictures, finally!

As I mentioned, climbing is huge here. It was very fun to watch. But one spot was so full of people, it honestly was unappealing. It must be the easiest route for classes or something. On one wall, I counted nine different ropes going at once. And this is not some big wall. These people were just all jammed on to this wall. So while it was fun to watch, if you are looking for the "mountain and me" experience, which lets be honest who isn't, this is not the wall for you. The more advanced spots obviously had less. One rock tower off in the distance had a single pair of climbers sweating their way to the top. They appeared to just be tiny white dots on a enormous rock face. They most certainly were having the "mountain and me" experience.

I pray you all have had this moment so you will understand my next sentence. There is a feeling you get when there is nothing above you but sky. I don't mean laying in the grass staring at the sky as a sky scraper towers next to you. I mean that feeling from a top of a mountain. You search the horizon for another spot that is farther off the ground than you and find none. You look down and see a world working hard at thriving. But you are above that. You are not part of that. You are now part of a new world because you're untouchable here. I pay you all have this moment at some point in life, if you haven't already.

Anyway, the point of that rant is to say we reached the top of these rocks. The view was incomparable. There was a monument in the middle of the platform at the top with arrows pointing every direction. With the arrows, descriptions of what were in those directions. Beautiful beyond compare. We took pictures and videos. I scampered across rocks to get some "ultimate" pictures, and off we took back down the mountainside.

I think I need to take a moment and really put a disclaimer on this spot. This was not some difficult hike. I am not kidding when I say pretty much anyone could do this. The trail is easy walking and accesible. Also, mountain is a relative term here. Is it still super impressive? Absolutely! I'm just don't want some mountaineer getting here and saying I'm falsely presenting information. Okay, back to the story...

Remember the caution at the beginning? Brace yourselves. When I was a kid in Alaska, all of us kids would be doing something awesome, obviously, and I would say "Guys, this moment will change us. We need to remember this." or something like that... Johann used to get so mad at me. He finally made a rule about not talking about the future when we are in the moment. He later told me he was jealous of the fact I could live in the future and the present all at once. Sometimes I think I'm just attempting to find the epiphanies in life. That can be good or bad. Nonetheless, my mind wandered as we walked back in silence. I've no idea what was going through Elisa's head, but mine was full. I finally thought, man I'm going to have to pick one rant for my blog tonight. So I tried to choose one. You're welcome. Feel free to skip this paragraph if you only want to hear about my day.

Have you ever thought about that quote "It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all?" What is that? I mean we all like to think that's true, but is it? I listened to the shouts of climbers and couldn't help but feel a bit sad. People who have invoked a love of climbing in my life, who used to be big parts in my life, no longer are. Part of me can't wait to for my shoulder to be strong enough to climb so I can make climbing about me, all about me. I know that will be the effect, and I can't wait. Selfish I know. But anyway, back to the main point. I thought about the scary amount of people who have influenced my life, then just vanished. Some I knew for three months then never heard another word. Some more, some less. Some I merely had conversations with, some I had more complex relationships with. And some of the most painful goodbye's I knew were coming from day one, literally. Yet I continued to touch the hot plate before me. (See How I Met Your Mother S1E21) I wondered, was that really smart? I wondered would I still put all these people in my life if I could do it again. Then I wondered, would I be who I am? One person taught me so much about rafting and skiing, one about music and airplanes, one about climbing and poetry, one about independence, well... many about independence, and so on! So is it? Is it better to have loved and lost than never at all? I still wasn't sure. Then I wondered if people would think so about me. Let's put this in the most drastic terms, just for thought process. Would people come to my funeral and think, "You know there were moment she hurt me, months she left society, months she left me, and didn't care that it hurt me. Why should I care?" Or would people think about the moments I was around and sharing happy times. I realized that's how it works. You never miss it till it's gone. You can take any moment and think about the good in it, and miss that good thing. So, of course loving, even if it's lost, is better. It's better because it's what makes us who we are. And in the end, you'll remember the happy moments. Not the pain. The pain may end it or be the end result. But sometime you'll find peace. You'll remember cheap Chinese food for breakfast, or guitar music late at night, bond-fires, and meteor showers. You'll remember the beauty in silence as you stared at flowers gliding on water. You'll remember the power you found from moments in life. You'll remember how the pain only made you stronger. And finally, finally after the replay of memories, after time, you'll find it. You'll find peace in your memories. You'll find peace and think, man I'm sure glad despite it being lost, that person changed my life. I only hope, in the end, you find peace as well. With me. With whatever memory you need to find peace with. The peace in all, even the lost ones, of your memories. Life isn't meant for regrets. So it's okay to leave society. It's okay to have pain. But leave your regrets and find peace.

Okay rant done. Please remember this is my personal journal as well! Moving right along...

We got to the bottom and had lunch. Afterwards, we headed down another path along a rosary. This one was only about 45 minutes roundtrip. Statues lined the pathway over looking amazing views. It lead to Santa Cova. So this monastery is famous for the climbing and the virgin. The statue of the Virgin Mary is special because it is a black woman, with a black child on her lap. What makes this even more unique is they found the statue in a cave in the hillside. No explanation, nothing. They, of course, built a chapel around this cave. This cave is Santa Cova. The chapel is quite small and not exceptional, honestly. However, what caught my attention was the side room. It is a room to present gifts to the Virgin. People had written prayers on the wall, left messages on napkins, and gifts covered the room. Wedding dresses even hung off of hooks. It was incredible.

Our last stop was the monastery itself. The clouds had been rolling in since our hike back. Which led to some great pictures. I forgot to mention this part... Coming back, climbers were still climbing upwards. Dark clouds rolled past. But it was fun to see them disappear into the clouds. 

Anyway. Monastery. The building was gorgeous. The inside chapel... church? cathedral? I don't know... was beautiful. There were no pictures, so you'll have to see for yourself. Lamps, each unique, hung down the side aisles. Stain glass windows lit the building. Smaller rooms, as always, lined the sides. But only a few were open to the public to see. My favorite was dark. The only light was on the piece of art hanging above the alter. I honestly don't know how to describe this. I'm not being disrespectful, this is the only way I know how to say this. Imagine a man face first into clay, then stepping back out. So all you see on the other side of the clay is his face, his hands, and his feet. Now this man is Jesus. Got the picture? Except it wasn't clay. It was wood. So this was all hand crafted. I thought it was fantastic and incredibly unique.

Finally, we went to see the Virgin. A long line went up steps to see her. People had brought babies to ask the Virgin for a blessing. People lifted children up to kiss the Virgin's hand for a blessings. Everyone took it very seriously. I'm not going to lie. For some reason, I really did not want to touch the hand that stuck out from the glass. I don't exactly know why. But everyone around me was taking this very seriously. So I held the Virgin's hand as Elisa took a picture. Then she went forward. She crossed herself, kissed her fingers, and placed her hand alongside the Virgin's. She closed her eyes for a moment before we moved on. It was a pretty amazing experience seeing that many people filter through to see this, yet everyone taking it seriously.

As we left the building, the rain came. It started drizzling while we were in the building. I could hear it on the roof. Then the downpour started. We thought about waiting. But I looked up. Black covered every inch of the sky. I thought about those poor climbers who were no doubt still on those rocks. Thunder and lightening shook around us. Elisa and I went as fast as we could back to the car. I was like a kid on Christmas morning. The perfect end to the perfect day. As if this mountain needed more power, thunder and lightening!? Yes. Elisa commented how perfect it was that the monastery was next to this awe-inspiring nature because it causes you to feel more emotionally open. I couldn't agree more.

Arturo and Marta surprised us by meeting us back at the car. As the rain continued to drench us in freezing water, we set a plan. We drove off as it began to pick up even more. Lightning lit the sky as thunder made it impossible to hear anything else. It was inspiring. Wonderful.

We came home and had dinner. Arturo put on the "Into the Wild" soundtrack. Perfectly, the song "Society" came on first.

"I think I need to find a bigger place
'Cause when you have more than you think
You need more space

Society, have mercy on me
I hope you're not angry if I disagree
Society, crazy indeed
I hope you're not lonely without me"